I haven’t seen you around for so long on Twitter and I noticed your absence. You are a special woman. I am keeping you in my mind silently and away from the crowd. God bless you ❤️
This is the first time I've tried to reengage with proper reading for months, so please excuse if I go long in the comments. Very good to read your voice again (I have so many others to get to! God I'm so behind).
"The bitter truth is that most people neither know, nor care, nor notice if you vanish."
Very true, and a base reality truth. I would say, not everyone who seems to vanish does it for an expected reaction (I am close to this vantage and it worries me that not managing to publish or engage recently equates to this, but also it spurs me not to be perceived like this).
"I will be back with something better than this."
This one was great, but yep! You sure as shit will :)
"are they even a writer?"
No is the answer, and this inspires.
"I am hanging on to the basics of a functional life, and should you meet me, on my extremely rare forages into the outer world, I will appear mostly as I normally do."
I know this feeling very well — all my best to you.
"When you are raised in a wolves den surrounded by poisonous snakes, your reaction to slings and arrows will never be quite that of Susan the yoga instructor."
Unavoidably true. Gives you a sword that can feel crazy to weald, is how I currently see it.
"I have husband, children, work, my home, friends, health routines and other routines to anchor me."
Awesome stuff.
"But when the pressure becomes too intense, and I splinter into thousands of shards, it would be a mistake to forget that I can still aim as I shatter, slicing your throat and piercing your organs."
Good point.
"Forgiveness is for fools, weaklings and cowards."
I agree, because of how forgiveness can be (and will be) used.
"Do you ever dream about things you cannot describe because the words don’t exist to describe them. The language does not even exist to sketch out the concepts."
I have always been fascinated with dreams, but this morning I woke and literally thought over the dreams I remembered from moments before and was amazed in a way I rarely am, so I will put them down now (skip this paragraph as suits). I was some kind of architect trying to avoid a political assassination, and I had devices made of some highly condensed material like little magnets that opened portals, prevented fire, or ignited something (I can't remember which, but I know the devices were being planted for a good reason), I had to place them on bullet-proof suits strategically based on every possible motion at the time of the event (it's weird but often I am like a floating person in dreams who tries to change things and can jump into people like characters when the story isn't going right and try to change it, though often that doesn't go exactly right). Was like I was trying to steer some event away despite everyone and people I know from the past were involved and there was no sense trying to convince them against it, they were just getting drunk and being their same old natures, we were driving around these crazy mountainous scenes and drinking in bars and then eating pizza and it poisoned them but not me and a woman in our company who gave most of the pizza to one of those people from my past. I have dreams I could say were similar but this one felt different, it had points I woke up with to think about and process before I could get out of bed (I'm leaving out tons, naturally).
"Mick comes back tomorrow. He is my rock, my special person, the one who always fights in my corner whether I am right or wrong - and vice versa"
Again, awesome life stuff. Hope you're doing as good as can be and all the better now.
And apologies I have not been actively engaged in reading or writing recently, there have been reasons and I intend to rectify this no output bullshit soon, as always will be.
Thank you so much Alison and likewise :) I do too, I watched the movie Waking Life when I was around 18 and think it spurred some obsession about ideas of "lucid dreaming" which seemed to give me more control over them over time, the thing where I sometimes float around or try to change things or influence events never used to happen in years past, it's crazy. But yep, those primal fears are always mixed in there, as fascinated as I am by them. I hope the doom-laden aspect eases off for you. I had the worst nightmares growing up mixed with sleep walking, so always feel grateful to reflect on how they generally are these days by comparison, which I put down to thinking a lot about lucid dreaming over time :)
I didn't know lucid dreaming existed until I saw Nightmare on Elm Street when I was about 14 I think. I was so confused. Prior to that I'd never had a lucid dream, but after discovering they exist, that changed and occasionally I do have one now.
It can be wonderful or wretched to simply be completely unaware you are dreaming - which is still most of the time for me. Dreams are the strangest things, which we take so much for granted.
Oh man, well yeah that's a powerful and dark introduction to the concept of lucid dreaming! I probably watched NOES around the same age but never made this connection though I was terrified. Waking Life is like a positive mirror reflection of the idea, though I haven't watched it since (it's one of the few I really don't want to rewatch, I'd rather preserve how it impacted me at that time, maybe I'd find it different now). I'd recommend giving it a watch if the sound of it appeals. It used animation techniques that were considered cutting edge at the time but might look dated now, but it lives on the feeling of it, from memory. Cool to hear you are familiar with the concept and have them occasionally too. Yes! I actually think they have some spiritual reality (I had a terrifying one on the first night at my new abode about a year ago, basically visited by a demon of the land, but I was able to disassociate it and try to change things, and that made all the difference somehow and I just found it fascinating when I woke up, like I was watching a movie). One example, when I have nightmares now (visited by demons, usually) I am almost always aware of what's happening and can wait it out like meditation, it's useful and makes me feel like I conquered it when I wake up. I can also usually wake myself up at will when I need to, but not in the demon dreams for some reason, by thinking that thought of waking up in the dream and concentrating hard in a sudden jolt kind of way. I think the floating thing is a new variation of that, making myself safe by taking some control by disassociating and then I have power to try to make things positive by helping others instead of experiencing something bad directly. Anyway this all might sound crazy to others, in short I think my fascination with dreams will be lifelong, and that we can have some level of control over them through being fascinated in them and thinking about them while awake. Maybe a very personal take that I know might not apply to all, but I love talking about dreams and how they can change for the better over time, almost like a form of meditation.
No problem at all, only as and when :) — and apologies for the late reply, my time is stretched crazy thin at the moment for work-related reasons and it can take me a while to check in on platforms, which is a running thread in my life (I have literally all notifications disabled, everywhere, but do check in)
I don’t want to carpet bomb you with email, I delete a hundred per day. I just would have sent you some good wishes (not worth a whole lot) if your silence was because your world was upside down. Oh wait, Australia, you are upside down ;0)
It’s great to hear from you, Alison. I’ve been in a similar place lately. I have some things to write about but a lot gets in the way. I am revisiting old pieces now, too,updating, improving. It’s a jumpstart while I wait for the battery to charge. Your expression in this piece is eloquent as ever.
Yes. Everything we’ve been through, especially as children, is part of who we are. There is no way to amputate that part of ourselves.
I haven’t seen you around for so long on Twitter and I noticed your absence. You are a special woman. I am keeping you in my mind silently and away from the crowd. God bless you ❤️
Thank you lovely lady, how very nice to hear from you ❣️
This is the first time I've tried to reengage with proper reading for months, so please excuse if I go long in the comments. Very good to read your voice again (I have so many others to get to! God I'm so behind).
"The bitter truth is that most people neither know, nor care, nor notice if you vanish."
Very true, and a base reality truth. I would say, not everyone who seems to vanish does it for an expected reaction (I am close to this vantage and it worries me that not managing to publish or engage recently equates to this, but also it spurs me not to be perceived like this).
"I will be back with something better than this."
This one was great, but yep! You sure as shit will :)
"are they even a writer?"
No is the answer, and this inspires.
"I am hanging on to the basics of a functional life, and should you meet me, on my extremely rare forages into the outer world, I will appear mostly as I normally do."
I know this feeling very well — all my best to you.
"When you are raised in a wolves den surrounded by poisonous snakes, your reaction to slings and arrows will never be quite that of Susan the yoga instructor."
Unavoidably true. Gives you a sword that can feel crazy to weald, is how I currently see it.
"I have husband, children, work, my home, friends, health routines and other routines to anchor me."
Awesome stuff.
"But when the pressure becomes too intense, and I splinter into thousands of shards, it would be a mistake to forget that I can still aim as I shatter, slicing your throat and piercing your organs."
Good point.
"Forgiveness is for fools, weaklings and cowards."
I agree, because of how forgiveness can be (and will be) used.
"Do you ever dream about things you cannot describe because the words don’t exist to describe them. The language does not even exist to sketch out the concepts."
I have always been fascinated with dreams, but this morning I woke and literally thought over the dreams I remembered from moments before and was amazed in a way I rarely am, so I will put them down now (skip this paragraph as suits). I was some kind of architect trying to avoid a political assassination, and I had devices made of some highly condensed material like little magnets that opened portals, prevented fire, or ignited something (I can't remember which, but I know the devices were being planted for a good reason), I had to place them on bullet-proof suits strategically based on every possible motion at the time of the event (it's weird but often I am like a floating person in dreams who tries to change things and can jump into people like characters when the story isn't going right and try to change it, though often that doesn't go exactly right). Was like I was trying to steer some event away despite everyone and people I know from the past were involved and there was no sense trying to convince them against it, they were just getting drunk and being their same old natures, we were driving around these crazy mountainous scenes and drinking in bars and then eating pizza and it poisoned them but not me and a woman in our company who gave most of the pizza to one of those people from my past. I have dreams I could say were similar but this one felt different, it had points I woke up with to think about and process before I could get out of bed (I'm leaving out tons, naturally).
"Mick comes back tomorrow. He is my rock, my special person, the one who always fights in my corner whether I am right or wrong - and vice versa"
Again, awesome life stuff. Hope you're doing as good as can be and all the better now.
And apologies I have not been actively engaged in reading or writing recently, there have been reasons and I intend to rectify this no output bullshit soon, as always will be.
It's great to hear from you :) I find dreams fascinating. I wish mine were a bit less laden with doom sometimes :)
Thank you so much Alison and likewise :) I do too, I watched the movie Waking Life when I was around 18 and think it spurred some obsession about ideas of "lucid dreaming" which seemed to give me more control over them over time, the thing where I sometimes float around or try to change things or influence events never used to happen in years past, it's crazy. But yep, those primal fears are always mixed in there, as fascinated as I am by them. I hope the doom-laden aspect eases off for you. I had the worst nightmares growing up mixed with sleep walking, so always feel grateful to reflect on how they generally are these days by comparison, which I put down to thinking a lot about lucid dreaming over time :)
I didn't know lucid dreaming existed until I saw Nightmare on Elm Street when I was about 14 I think. I was so confused. Prior to that I'd never had a lucid dream, but after discovering they exist, that changed and occasionally I do have one now.
It can be wonderful or wretched to simply be completely unaware you are dreaming - which is still most of the time for me. Dreams are the strangest things, which we take so much for granted.
Oh man, well yeah that's a powerful and dark introduction to the concept of lucid dreaming! I probably watched NOES around the same age but never made this connection though I was terrified. Waking Life is like a positive mirror reflection of the idea, though I haven't watched it since (it's one of the few I really don't want to rewatch, I'd rather preserve how it impacted me at that time, maybe I'd find it different now). I'd recommend giving it a watch if the sound of it appeals. It used animation techniques that were considered cutting edge at the time but might look dated now, but it lives on the feeling of it, from memory. Cool to hear you are familiar with the concept and have them occasionally too. Yes! I actually think they have some spiritual reality (I had a terrifying one on the first night at my new abode about a year ago, basically visited by a demon of the land, but I was able to disassociate it and try to change things, and that made all the difference somehow and I just found it fascinating when I woke up, like I was watching a movie). One example, when I have nightmares now (visited by demons, usually) I am almost always aware of what's happening and can wait it out like meditation, it's useful and makes me feel like I conquered it when I wake up. I can also usually wake myself up at will when I need to, but not in the demon dreams for some reason, by thinking that thought of waking up in the dream and concentrating hard in a sudden jolt kind of way. I think the floating thing is a new variation of that, making myself safe by taking some control by disassociating and then I have power to try to make things positive by helping others instead of experiencing something bad directly. Anyway this all might sound crazy to others, in short I think my fascination with dreams will be lifelong, and that we can have some level of control over them through being fascinated in them and thinking about them while awake. Maybe a very personal take that I know might not apply to all, but I love talking about dreams and how they can change for the better over time, almost like a form of meditation.
This deserves a proper response, but I'm on a train to Brisbane, and will check in properly in a day or two :)
No problem at all, only as and when :) — and apologies for the late reply, my time is stretched crazy thin at the moment for work-related reasons and it can take me a while to check in on platforms, which is a running thread in my life (I have literally all notifications disabled, everywhere, but do check in)
Wishing you all the very best, and am glad Mick is back. :)
Thank you :)
Very generous of you to raise a flag when energy is scarce. Thank you.
The rest I will send you privately.
Thank you :)
I don't know your email address, but I've been thinking of you. Here's to improvement in your life.
If you want to email me try celticchameleon2023@gmail.com- but I warn you I'm often slow at replying :)
I don’t want to carpet bomb you with email, I delete a hundred per day. I just would have sent you some good wishes (not worth a whole lot) if your silence was because your world was upside down. Oh wait, Australia, you are upside down ;0)
And faster than sound... I'm a terror for ignoring emails I must try to check them today. No, trying is lying I WILL check them 😇
It’s great to hear from you, Alison. I’ve been in a similar place lately. I have some things to write about but a lot gets in the way. I am revisiting old pieces now, too,updating, improving. It’s a jumpstart while I wait for the battery to charge. Your expression in this piece is eloquent as ever.
Thank you, kind lady :)
Thinking of you and sending good juju your way <3
Much appreciated :)